Okay my friends out there...guess what? You've got it...well let's say now "I get IT"! But before I post, I want to say please read this entry and then I truly want the "How To" in the comments.
Yesterday I wrote the "Why Him?" post and today I read the comments. I am receiving balanced comments and I have looked within for some false humility. You know the humility that says "Well I have problems and I don't leave or go looking for "him". The false humility or let's face it "Pride". I am angry with these women who unlike our fellow blogger Rita and others who have had a truly horrific marriage. I am angry because they quit and we serve a Big God! That being said the Big God got a hold of me this afternoon.
I get it ladies! We need more validation and affirmation in the home. I know we need to go to God to fill us up. His consolation and emotional/spiritual provision is more rich than any man can supply us with. But how do we go from being disappointed with our husbands to our knees seeking God in prayer? How do we take our eyes off ourselves and our need for affirmaton and do the right thing? I am talking practical here. I can say it but how do we do it. I am reminded of an old Nike ad that stated "Just Do It!" This is what I know to do but I am not always obedient. Case in point follows:
Kevin woke up this morning at 4:00am to go to work in our home office. I slept in. Feeling guilty because I chose to sleep in and not fix him some breakfast after he had already been up for 4 hours, I drag myself to the bathroom and clean up. I make him a big, hot breakfast. I serve it to him in his office. I really wanted to just wake up, put on the old faithful headband, roll up my sleeves and start some spring cleaning. The kitchen was a greasy mess and dishes overflowed in the sink. I then decided that since Tim was out of school and I would like to spend some time with him and that I would forsake the kitchen and go help him clean and rearrange his room. We did for 5 literal hours. Lots of contra band hit the trash. It is clean now and he loves it! I then come down the stairs and my husband says "Any body thinking about lunch?" Well "no" but we are whooped. He decides he can make a pizza. Well being that I want to be Miss Homekeeper of the year, I finish baking the pizzas and take him his lunch to the office. The kids I am sitting tonight are going to be here any minute and the kitchen still sits looking greasy and neglected.
Now ladies I didn't complain. I didn't ask for help. I was happy with my choices. The kids come. I sit and hug them. Make them comfortable and go to the kitchen. I clean the kitchen, dishes are gone and everything is smelling wonderful. Except my heart apparently. My husband announces he is finished working. My boys are eating Pizza, and other snacks. We are all in the kitchen. They are all showered and fresh. I am exhausted and need a shower. I announce to the boys that dad works hard and we should be grateful. I tell them how he spent X amount of money on groceries and they better not complain there is nothing to eat. Well, my "him" rolls his eyes and makes a face that says "yeah the groceries were expensive". It rubbed me the wrong way. He always complains about money he spends on the basics, girlfriends. Complains about the heat cost, insurance costs, and now food costs. Hey, what's with that...why can't you accept a compliment that you are being recognized for being a good provider? Aaaauuuugggghhhh! Then my son,whom I just spent a bizillion hours cleaning his room makes a negative comment toward me and my "him" just lets him throw the punch. Where's the gratitude???? I blew a gasket my friends. I told my husband in no uncertain terms NOW I GET IT! NOW I KNOW WHY WOMEN SEEK "Him"! So I ask again, How do we take our eyes off self and do the right thing?????
God just showed me how easy it is for women to get discouraged with our mates and families. He showed me "Why the 'him' ". He doesn't give me permission to pursue it, but He has given me the experience to feel some empathy. So here we go again. Ladies, Bring it On!
PS: My husband set me up the lap top in my bedroom. Put on a soft light and left me a card that came in the mail from a girlfriend. He told me to go relax and that he would watch the kids for awhile. I do love him but I want to hit him with a frying pan! By the way Sonia where's the cast iron frying pan you were going to lend me? Lol!
2 comments:
Anna, I totally understand your frustrations as I get very little help from either of my men in the house! Anyone who said a stay at home mom doesn't do anything...well lets just say I'd like them to spend the day with me! lol I get frustrated as well at all of the "uuggghhhsss" you feel in the day, but all it takes is the one "thank you", "I love you" and "God has blessed me" from your significant other or your kids to make you know why you are here, why you put up with the messes,why you stay with them, and the thankless ,yet rewarding ,job of being at home. We just have to over look their flaws, as I'm sure Greg does mine, and instead of focusing on the dirty dishes, complaints and unacknowledged compliments focus on the laptop brought to you, the card placed in front of you and the knowledge that your family adores you! It's easier said than done but is rewarding in the end! And while my house is a mess and I haven't even seen Greg today(working extra because of the snow forcasted) he helped me see why I stay today! He has always called me sunshine, and this morning at 6:00am my phone chimed with a text message! He had text me the whole "you are my sunshine" song! Now ladies, thats romantic! Mine's a keeper! I heard someone say once that "A relationship is 90/10. 90 about them and 10 about you. If both partners would do that, you would always be thinking what is best for the other. Wouldn't that make a wonderful relationship!" How true! You and Kev have that love for sure! He worships you !! Love ya girl, Ree P.S. Sorry this is so long!
Anna,
Yep, Kev's a keeper, even though he's not perfect. But if you need the frying pan, I'll overnight it to you. But I'll need it back by Friday... so use it quickly. Perhaps we should just invest in one for you...
Seriously, I wanted to reply to you with something really uplifting. But Rita already did such a fine job so I'll just say, "Yeah, what she said."
It really is about overlooking a multitude of faults and sin in their lives as they do for us and at the same time communicating in a kind, respectful, straight-forward way the things that really send us over the edge. With me, it's more about discovering why it's sending me over the edge and if it's even worth addressing. Most of the time after and honest assessment of my feelings and motives, I realize that I played at least some part in his perceived offense. That doesn't mean I don't talk about it to him. But I find it helps to wait until I've assessed myself before I go him and appear to do the same for him. On the times I do "fly off the handle" and get the proverbial frying pan out for him things usually go south because he's not really the type to tolerate that behavior from me or anyone else either. So over the years, I've learned what works best for us both.
As for false humility, I didn't see any in your post. I know we could all fall into sin. But sometimes when we haven't been in a particular situation it is very hard for us to relate to it. And I think it's perfectly natural and even encouraging that you are repulsed by what appears to us to be a cavalier attitude toward commitment and marriage. As Rita pointed out it may not have been so, but based on the info we have, it appears to be. So, I am not trying to flatter you or blow air up your skirt as they say. Only to say I didn't see false humility. Just a natural response from a woman who's striving for spiritual growth and purity and at the same time wrestling the realities of life and human nature. That's what I saw.
Love you.
Sonia
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