Hello Friends,
Tonight I am sitting here at the computer looking back over the last several days. It was one of my longest weeks. I won't bore you with the details, just know that I am feeling better and thankful for God's hand on me and the access to good medical treatment. My Behcets disease still is veering its ugly self but I continue to practice some pain management - mainly rest.
I got out on Monday for Dr. visit and brief errands, and on Wednesday I left at night to go to church for one hour, Friday I went to supper with my husband and a friend for a couple of hours. All in all I was very careful to not over do. Well, Saturday I joined a friend for some daylight shopping. We were gone a whole 90 mins. She was careful to make sure I did not again over do. I came home and watched a Hallmark movie and enjoyed some rest. Went to church for a quick fund raising supper and then to WalMart. Girlfriends, this woman missed her shopping, even if it was only for groceries. I found it funny that on Saturday night at WalMart you can enjoy some fine socialization...almost party like. You run into friends, and acquaintances and get to see all the new stuff the store rolls in each week. Kev was so pleased for a cheap date night, until he paid the big grocery bill. I am rambling on but this post is really about a person Kev and I visited with for almost an hour in the office supply aisle.
Tom (changed his name) is a friend whom we were very close with about 15 years ago. We lost touch about 6 years ago. He was (is) such a wonderful guy. A good provider, loving and devoted husband, hard worker, church goer-yes, a Christian, involved father and overall a great guy. Now, I realize he isn't perfect. There obviously was some struggles in his life, but he didn't show this side often. We spent many days together raising our kids, enjoying meals together, and even working together...Kevin and Tom worked together for several years. Then the day came when his wife decided she needed more in life and didn't love him. She separated from him when we parted ways 6 years ago. Tom reported that she divorced him and it has been final for a year now.
Ladies, this post isn't about Tom. This is about the wife. She was(is) us. She had 3 fine boys. She is smart. She is a great homemaker, now business woman. She kept herself up. Her husband was devoted to her, and her life in general seemed fine. I remember however when she met "him". Apparently now there has been several "him"s.
What is it that distracts us from our homes, our husbands, and our dedication to our children? What pulls us from doing/living out God's will for our lives? How do you fall out of love for your husband? What makes us selfish? Or is it selfish to want something out of the ordinaryness of life? Where does one fine balance in taking care of others and self interests? I am serious here. I want to know.
I don't particularly like my husband all the time. I don't especially like taking care of kids and home all the time. So I have gone to college, I have worked outside the home, and I have dedicated myself to church functions, etc. And, yes, I have still struggled with wanting more. HOWEVER, I can't say that I have ever wanted to say "oh well, it's not enough to be here, and I don't love you and so hey 'good bye'." Help me Ladies. What ever happened to a woman, YES, a woman making sacrifices for the sake of her family? What ever happened to putting family first? What ever happened to going to GOD for filling us up and meeting the voids in our lives? What ever took our focus off God's will for Biblical womanhood and onto the focus of "why can't the MAN sacrifice?" They can and should but hey I am not responsible for them. I am responsible for me.
Ladies we need to be strong women. Godly, courageous women. I am on a soap box because I have spent some time with a man who is lonely, hurt, and yet still campaigning that his now ex-wife and him are the best of friends and take care of the children just fine. Yet, he is living with his mom next door to his ex, who lives in their lovely home as she parades her "hims" in front of him. He said this. He is contemplating a move to his work place over an hour away. He wants a place for his sons and him to enjoy some city life. Who are we to hurt and destroy our families this way. I know I don't know the whole story. I am sure she strayed cause Tom was such a horrible person behind closed doors...at least I want to believe this. Ladies this same girl drove me to Asheville for some medical treatments where I had to be hooked to an IV for 4 hours. She left me there to meet up with a "him" without my knowledge. She had told Kevin she wanted to take me so we could visit. She left for coffee and came back hours laters. I am being judgemental, but not without looking within. I need to evaluate my motives for homemaking and I am looking for areas in my life where I may harbor resentment. But help me ladies, I need to understand this woman so I don't become her looking for "him" or in my case "it". I don't see myself giving over to a man as much as another obsession.
Okay, tomorrow maybe something more uplifting. Many of you won't even see this because I don't post on Sundays normally. I am just frustrated for my friend Tom. I plan to have him over for supper and a movie. I have prayed for Kevin to have a good male companion to chill with so maybe Tom will be the one. I look forward to him coming to church too.
Don't hate me! Just comment!!!! I'm scared but I asked for this so Bring It On!
5 comments:
Anna,
What a sad story. But I think the answer for why all the "hims" and why women are willing leave husbands and spouses who admittedly aren't perfect but aren't terrible either is that we are looking for something we've been taught we are entitled to. We've bought the great lie, whether it's feminism in it's mildest or most stringent forms, or whether it's the grass is greener syndrome, or the I deserve more than this, or the I'll be happy if... syndrome. The point is we are all looking for fulfillment outside the guidelines God placed for us for our own protection and the protection of others. When we step out, even for the briefest periods, someone else is always affected. It may not seem like it in the beginning, but unchecked sin (that's what going against God's order is) always draws other lives in. It's like a vortex, eventually.
Today we don't like to hear the things about our roles, or God's plan for us within them. It's not popular. But you are doing a good thing my friend in opening our eyes. Keep up the good work. This is great post!
I cannot speak for anyone but me Anna, but going through a divorce myself, there are alot of unseen things behind closed doors. Without going into details, I lived in a dificult situation, which you know about, and know that while I did seek Gods will, try everything from counseling to praying nonstop, I endured 17 yrs with a man who was a different person to me than he was to everyone else. While I have forgiven him, and am now married to a very wonderful, kind, caring man, I know that marriage is tough and is a two way commitment. If that is not there, there is little hope and without God, there is none
Thats just me and opinion. I feel for your friend. I'm glad he could talk to you! I love you, Ree
Rita,
Well-said. I realize my comment did sound insensitive and I did not take into account that there are often things going on behind closed doors we are not aware of. I was trying to address what makes women who have no "good" reason to do those things do them. As Anna said in her post, there are always 2 sides, and we admittedly have not heard this wife's. But just from doing counseling with couples for the last few years, sometimes with Johnny, I have seen people (especially women) who have the idea that there is something out there that they are missing out on and that they deserve. Situations like yours were the minority, just from my personal experience.
Oh Sonia you are so right! Most of the time that is the case. People get bored, tired, ho-hum attitudes and search for excitement or search for something they think they are missing. You did not sound insensitive to me, it is just hard to see behind those doors sometimes! Oh how I wish I had you and Anna and others to talk to when I was going through my experience! I could have used you guys alot back then! I love you and Anna and all my friends and I want you always to know that! :) And I'm glad my situation is the minority! No one should have to live like that! Ree
P.S. Please call when you can!
Hey girlfriends...I love you both. You two are just what I need. I have been cleaning my son's room for 5 hours so just checking my blog. I have felt some convictions since writing this blog today. For one I have to check my heart for false humility. I hate my life sometimes. I guess I have a hard time with women giving up for what APPEARS to be selfishness. So many of you and others have endured so much more for so little. I guess there is more to the story my friends, and that is why I need you. My faithful, true Christian friends. You are my accountability. KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING! Blog author..acf
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