Over the Rainbow

I could spend the next several hours writing about what's going on in the Friend home but I am not "feeling it" this evening.  Please know that your prayers are always needed and are very much appreciated.  Briefly... Cory is doing well in school as he works through his last year.  Tim is home, safe and making better decisions daily.  Kevin is in school full time and continues to look for a job.  I am working, getting healthy, and trying to be a "good" Jesus girl, which truly means trying to bring God glory...it hasn't been much to brag about lately.  Life is settling more and more into a "New Normal" for us. 

I am sure you have heard in your life at some point to "concentrate, dwell or look to the positive" about some area in your life that may be difficult, negative or unpleasant.  I have heard this and I have practiced this at times but not often.  I tend to ask too many "why?" questions, get angry or feel sorry for the situation,  etc. 

I had a troublesome dream one night last week.  It was about a person I have tried very hard to understand and to love unconditionally.  The dream and its details are not important but the feelings they conjured up are. She was not even present..it was a dream for goodness sake, yet I just wanted to be rude and tell her to "hush". 

I have worked through many emotions re: different people in my life. I am growing spiritually everyday and learning how Jesus handled people.  I have sought forgiveness and given forgiveness to others during my life.  However, it seems that God is showing me there are still 2 people I need to work through some tough emotional damage with.  One was the woman in my dream and the other is my Dad.  I have went to counseling early in my marriage re: my dad, and I have done some serious Bible study re: damaged emotions and have worked through some major issues in regards to my dad, so in my opinion all is forgiven and all is well.  NOT.  You see, in my mind, I think "well I have forgiven you and I love you but I don't need to spend time with you because you say crazy things and make me want to cuss."  Jesus apparently doesn't agree with my thoughts. 

Out of the blue today on the way home from spending time with friends, a really fun memory came to my mind...then another and then another re: my dad.  Today was a warm, sunny fall day.  The sky was a clear pretty blue.  It was a day that reminded me of California days.  It was on one of these California days in the late 1970s that my dad put up a volleyball net in our front yard and neighbor kids and my friends came and played volleyball with him.  I remember my dad having a good time with my friends and they loved it.  My girlfriends used to tell me that my dad was good looking and looked like my older brother.   Too funny!

Another memory was joining my dad as he ran long distance with me following me on the bike.  We lived in town yet dad would run in some rural areas.  It was a healthy time in his life and I remember being so proud of him. 

The last memory was comical but very sweet.  My dad used to take us for long Sunday drives. He would buy us drinks and candy (which dad only allowed on weekends).  I would always get either a grape or strawberry soda and a bag of penny candy.  One particular Sunday afternoon it was raining.  We stopped at a little country market in Livingston, California.  Dad decided to take his 3 girls and son, who were snuggled in the backseat of a huge boat sized car, for a long ride to....find the end of the rainbow.  When we got out of the store the sky cleared up and a huge rainbow appeared.  We drove and drove and never found the rainbow but oh the fun memory of trying to find it.  (Click on Title)

I share these memories to help me explain that if we dwell on the negative things and the frustrating and devastating memories imposed by a loved on or someone else, we may alienate ourselves from them.  This may not sound all that bad.  We may feel safe and secure if we are alienated or estranged from people who have hurt us or disappointed us in the past.  I understand this concept..."It is just best if we don't see each other or talk."  Yet, I don't believe we have truly forgiven if we don't try to re-establish new ground (new memories) with the one person who needs our forgiveness and perhaps need  us to ask forgiveness from them as well. '

I am obviously being very general but please know that I am not insensitive to the wounded emotions of abuse, neglect, etc from another individual where one can forgive but not be in a relationship with that person.  I am just saying that Jesus would forgive and ask the person to "go and sin no more" and the person would go tell others and end up having a personal relationship with Jesus.  Hello?  I forgive you and I want you and I to start new memories.  I can only fathom this possibility in my life with my father by seeking the good characteristics of my dad and allow my heart to feel the joy of the memories. 

Today was a great day for me.  I spent the morning with 2 wonderful girlfriends.  I stopped by a yard sale on the way home and saw a friend I had not seen in 2 years.  It was a great time of fellowship and loving hugs.  I came home and made a warm, cozy meal for my men folk.  I talked to my mom in California. It was an awesome day of "feeling the love", and today I felt the love from old memories from my dad. 

God continues to move in my life.  It gets uncomfortable at times.  This refining process continues.  God knows I need a clear heart and mind to do His will and purposes.  It will mean reaching out to 2 individuals that I obviously have more to work through with.  WAH!  I have always said, "God never lets me get by with anything!"  

Here's a fun song we used to sing in the back seat as kids. I was 8 years old I think when this song came out.  Click on Link.:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K37BhzM0I8I