Here's the point: Girlfriend it isn't all about you! It's not all about me!
I woke up thinking and surveying my own thoughts and attitudes about my girlfriends. I am not perfect but I am thankful for His help.
It seems we women are happy with our friends if we have some type of advantage over them. Something that makes us feel just a little better than them. We want them jealous of us. Now don't be so quick to say "Not me!". I believe at some point this is or was true for you. It was for me.
We seem to forget what friendship is all about. We tend to forget that to be a friend is to give not just receive. I am not talking about tangible gifts here. I am talking about compliments. Do you compliment your friends? Are you happy for them? Do you pray they prosper and do well in their endeavors? Do you genuinely love them? Do you do for them and make yourself available to them? Do you occasionally make a sacrifice for them? I believe some of us are afraid to pray that our friends prosper. They might make more money than you. I believe we don't compliment them because they might get prideful or we don't want them to think what they do or got is a big deal, maybe we are jealous? I realize it is hard to see that beautiful diamond ring on your friend's hand that she got for Christmas, when your husband could only afford a CD. I have lived this. However, we have got to learn to express genuine joy for our friends, or maybe YOU are not truly their friend.
I am reminded today that the best way I can be a friend is to not judge as I was so wanting to do last evening, but also apply specific verses in the Bible to my friendships. Here it is in list form:
1 Corinthian 13:4-7
Love is patient,
love is kind
and is not jealous;
love does not brag
and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love is patient,
love is kind
and is not jealous;
love does not brag
and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
In case you are thinking, "Well, Anna, you don't know how hard it is? Or Anna, you're not perfect!" please know that I do know it's hard and I am definitely not perfect. The way out of jealousy (being Green) is to choose JOY (be yellow). We were taught in kindergarten that green and yellow make blue. You will enjoy a true "blue" (calm, serene) friendship when you choose to love and to express/feel joy. It works! Here are some examples of some of my victories.
I had a friend (we don't see each other due to a move) that was sweet, cute and a great mother. She had a husband that adored her. She seemed to have everything. Yet, I couldn't breathe without her wanting to breathe with me. I couldn't have a new car, or a new dish towel that she didn't go right out and buy one herself. It was exhausting and aggravating. I had to "not be provoked". I had to choose an attitude that identified her struggle and accept her "copycat" attitude as a compliment. I sometimes bought two of things so I could share with her. We enjoyed many shopping trips together after that.
I have this friend whom I love dearly. She used to weigh over 300 pounds. She and I used to go to buffets together and enjoy many a meal. I remember when she got the news that she was going to have bypass surgery. I cried. I was so happy for her. She was so deserving. I was so jealous. It was a struggle to keep my brown eyes from turning green. Ladies, I chose to celebrate her. It was hard at first. Only because of the jealousy. When I acknowledged to myself how special she was to me, I was able to throw her a party. Go visit her in the hospital. To this day, I tell her how happy I am for her. She is every bit well under 200 lbs. and looking great.
I have friends who have talented husbands, gorgeous homes, successful careers, take lavish vacations, drive great cars, have big bank accounts and some who are spiritually beautiful. I have tinges of envy from time to time. I have to remember to choose joy and genuinely celebrate them. I have to take my eyes off me - "It's not all about me!". God has been good to me. The best contentment we can know is to be grateful and not compare ourselves to others.
Remember my example of the diamond ring vs. the CD. I have a friend who has been married the same number of years as me. She and her husband are very hard workers and have provided their family with many wonderful material and worldly experiences. They also go to church and are working out their salvation. She seems to have a very successful life. I used to hate hearing of all her Christmas gifts, vacation plans and what nots. I was I guess jealous. I would try to find fault with her in some way to justify my attitude. Jealousy ruined our friendship at one point. She was also jealous of me. She felt spiritually inferior to me. This was a heart breaking experience. I had to evaluate my attitude and spiritual disposition. We are now friends again. We have gone to Bible Study together and love to remember old times and experiences. When I saw her gorgeous HUGE diamond ring surrounded by a bizillion other diamonds, I smiled. You see she is a survivor. She has overcame many a heart break in her childhood. She has experienced a life of trials and tests. She had to learn to love and create a happy marriage. She is deserving and she has worked hard to afford this luxury. No jealousy here. I just went home and played my Kenny G. CD.
Ladies, this is indeed a soapbox blog today. I am not sure of your struggles with girlfriend jealousy. I just want to encourage you to stop and take a breath when ill feelings creep in a friendship. It's not all about you. Don't be suspicious. Don't assume the worse. Choose joy. Love your friends. Give a compliment. Love like God who is Love. We can live 1 Corinthians 13 in our relationships.
Check out the new poll! The last poll indicated that over 70% of you wait until Thanksgiving to listen to Christmas music. So I hope you are listening now. It is a great way to worship.
I had a friend (we don't see each other due to a move) that was sweet, cute and a great mother. She had a husband that adored her. She seemed to have everything. Yet, I couldn't breathe without her wanting to breathe with me. I couldn't have a new car, or a new dish towel that she didn't go right out and buy one herself. It was exhausting and aggravating. I had to "not be provoked". I had to choose an attitude that identified her struggle and accept her "copycat" attitude as a compliment. I sometimes bought two of things so I could share with her. We enjoyed many shopping trips together after that.
I have this friend whom I love dearly. She used to weigh over 300 pounds. She and I used to go to buffets together and enjoy many a meal. I remember when she got the news that she was going to have bypass surgery. I cried. I was so happy for her. She was so deserving. I was so jealous. It was a struggle to keep my brown eyes from turning green. Ladies, I chose to celebrate her. It was hard at first. Only because of the jealousy. When I acknowledged to myself how special she was to me, I was able to throw her a party. Go visit her in the hospital. To this day, I tell her how happy I am for her. She is every bit well under 200 lbs. and looking great.
I have friends who have talented husbands, gorgeous homes, successful careers, take lavish vacations, drive great cars, have big bank accounts and some who are spiritually beautiful. I have tinges of envy from time to time. I have to remember to choose joy and genuinely celebrate them. I have to take my eyes off me - "It's not all about me!". God has been good to me. The best contentment we can know is to be grateful and not compare ourselves to others.
Remember my example of the diamond ring vs. the CD. I have a friend who has been married the same number of years as me. She and her husband are very hard workers and have provided their family with many wonderful material and worldly experiences. They also go to church and are working out their salvation. She seems to have a very successful life. I used to hate hearing of all her Christmas gifts, vacation plans and what nots. I was I guess jealous. I would try to find fault with her in some way to justify my attitude. Jealousy ruined our friendship at one point. She was also jealous of me. She felt spiritually inferior to me. This was a heart breaking experience. I had to evaluate my attitude and spiritual disposition. We are now friends again. We have gone to Bible Study together and love to remember old times and experiences. When I saw her gorgeous HUGE diamond ring surrounded by a bizillion other diamonds, I smiled. You see she is a survivor. She has overcame many a heart break in her childhood. She has experienced a life of trials and tests. She had to learn to love and create a happy marriage. She is deserving and she has worked hard to afford this luxury. No jealousy here. I just went home and played my Kenny G. CD.
Ladies, this is indeed a soapbox blog today. I am not sure of your struggles with girlfriend jealousy. I just want to encourage you to stop and take a breath when ill feelings creep in a friendship. It's not all about you. Don't be suspicious. Don't assume the worse. Choose joy. Love your friends. Give a compliment. Love like God who is Love. We can live 1 Corinthians 13 in our relationships.
Check out the new poll! The last poll indicated that over 70% of you wait until Thanksgiving to listen to Christmas music. So I hope you are listening now. It is a great way to worship.
Hugs to you, acf
1 comment:
I am catching up this morning. Girl, you are good at this blogging thing! I love reading your posts. Keep it up.
But could you stay off my toes a bit???
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