Gym for Him

Okay I get it. I am fat! Yes, I own a mirror. Yes, I have read a million diet and nutrition books. Yes, I have exercised before and joined spas. Does that mean I give up? Oh “H E double hockey sticks” NO! I am woman, remember? I am also a Jesus girl. I will rebel and then humbly OBEY! So today I have a story for you, girlfriends!

My dear friend of 10 years+ calls me last week and encourages me to join a gym event with her, “Biggest Loser Blitz”. I was sitting on the sofa probably watching a Hallmark movie feeling pitiful, so I agreed. We went last Thursday to learn the machines and sign up. We had a great trainer who was very patient with us as we maneuvered ourselves into the confines of the equipment. He never made us feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I was so relieved to find this gym very professional and accepting. It is a small gym in a small town and I was worried that my bouncy body would be exposed to humiliation. Don’t you love the word “bouncy” instead of “fat”? It is what it is my friends. No humiliation, no body buffs, just some wonderful people getting healthy…some wonderful 40+ year old people, and senior citizens. It’s not the trendy gym in town. That Thursday night I worked out for 90minutes including stair stepper. I showered and died afterwards.

So last night (Monday) was the official start of the Blitz. I had to weigh in, get my BMI and Body Fat ratios. Well! Good thing I went early before everyone so I could get these measurements and a good work out in before the meeting. I wanted to argue that their high dollar scale was broken and downright a LIAR. I refrained. I had to hold an instrument that would register my body fat and BMI (you know, BIG MAMA INARDS). It looked like a game controller. I did the silly instrument 3 times and it still said I was full of fat, go figure! Then I was sent to the tape measure girl! Oooo! Scary! I thought she would run out of tape. I told her I needed more that a 12 inch measure, Lol! She assured me it was a “five foot” measure. Now who is five feet around? Me? Not! But it got scary for a moment.

After the indignity of the measurements, etc., I went to work out. Do you think I could remember how to use the machines? No. I was flopping around, and making like a pretzel. I am sure I was a sight with my “United America” Grandma t-shirt, grey workout pants, and matching headband. The things I put myself through to be “healthy”. I am not so sure this is about health. I think if I didn’t want to be spiritually a good example of self control and keeping a Godly temple, I would sacrifice health. This isn’t fun stuff, girlfriends.

My girlfriend, partner in crime, shows up half way through my workout. I am now a professional on the machines so I am going to help her. We had more fun trying to figure out machines, because yes, I still hadn’t figured them out. We laughed as we slammed weights, twisted bars, and slammed seats back and forth. She has bad knees and a slow mover, and I am lugging around another person around my middle, but ladies, we survived the machines. We decided to get some cardio in. We got on the stair stepper. I was aiming for 5 minutes, don’t laugh! My friend was trying to figure out the buttons to start the blasted thing. She figured it out and she was on her way just a going, so proud! She was going backwards! Lol! We roared with laughter. You can do that on the elliptical but it looks funny and she was going nowhere! I did my 5 minutes and left for the shower to meet with her later. She continued on for 7 minutes and did some more machines. Go, girl! My friend has lost over 175 lbs. in a year and a half. I am proud of her, and glad she didn’t lose her sense of humor. Side note: She has bones in her neck! We got a good laugh yesterday, because a friend of hers told her she looked like a buzzard with her neck bones showing like they do. Well, I don’t know why her friend spends so much time studying the necks of buzzards, but I told her I was glad to know she had neck bones. I wish I could see mine! She looks great!!!

I thought taking a shower would be safe. I went took my shower and organized my stuff so neatly. I got dressed and was putting on my makeup when a girl came in. She looked at me and then went to the restroom. She was getting dressed to workout. She came to the sink where I was and matter of factly said “how are you?” I politely said, “Fine. How are you?” She said fine and left. It seemed a little weird. I was safe but felt uneasy. The encounter didn’t end here.

My friend and I went to the meeting to kick off the Biggest Loser Blitz. I was sitting in my comfy chair chatting away with my friends and other acquaintances. In walks a man I know from my kids Cub Scout days. In comes his wife behind him, it’s her, the bathroom lady! I didn’t recognize her. She was “big”. Not huge like me but “big” for her. We were such good friends back then. How sad that I was so unfriendly and didn’t recognize her. I have some catching up to do with her and ask her forgiveness for being unfriendly. I have to share this part because it’s important. Women secretly feel good when their friends gain weight or are at least overweight like themselves. Ladies, I didn’t feel this way. I admit to feeling this way in the past, but not this time. I have been victim to my weight and people not recognizing me. My heart was sad, not because she gained weight, but because she like me has succumbed to bad habits, medicine, or other stress, trauma, etc. to incur the weight. We need to recognize overweight as having a source. It is not always laziness and love of food.

The evening ended comically. My friend and I sat behind a woman, fairly large. She sat on a large exercise ball instead of a chair. She bounced her “bouncy” bottom and middle throughout the meeting. My mean self wanted to kick the ball right out from under her. She was annoying with her bouncy self and constant comments and advice, being a former Biggest Loser participant at this gym. In my meaness, I will say it didn’t WORK! Of course since God doesn’t let me get by with mean thoughts or actions, He decided to give a laugh on me. About the end of the meeting, all was quiet as people were listening and waiting for the conclusion of the speaker. My phone goes off. It is on Vibrate! It is in my bra! It scared me because I forgot it was there! I had to hold in my scream then my laughter. My friend and I sat there with big eyes and holding back laughs down deep in our throats as my bra vibrates beneath my blouse. It looked like a critter was in there. I no longer cared that “bouncy bottom” in front of us was on my nerves with her greasy hair..oops sorry I couldn’t help myself…I didn’t want to help myself… I am a bad Jesus girl.

I am on another plight toward weight loss, my friends. It should be interesting. I will share as I go. Now if you are on a diet and are losing weight and want to know how much body fat your have lost between weigh ins, I will give you the manual formula below. As for my current/starting body fat percentage, let me just tell you that I should float in water with my percentage! Wah!

Body Fat Loss Percentage Formula:
Take your original weight: Example: 180 lbs.
Subtract your new weight: 165 lbs.
Get your answer: 15 lbs
Then divide by original weight 180 lbs
Answer is % of body fat lost. 0.08333

HAVE A GREAT DAY! I am back to the Gym for Him - Jesus!